


Remember Me

by lovewashisname



Category: Cherry's Art
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Car Accidents, Emotional Hurt, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2018-12-29 19:26:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12091791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovewashisname/pseuds/lovewashisname
Summary: There was a bald guy beside his bed. And a guy with red hair. They both looked like they'd been crying. In fact, the bald guy was still crying."Fey?" the guy with the heart-shaped sunglasses said, and the blond's attention was drawn back to him. He frowned and tilted his head to the side. "Mate, fuck, you scared the shit out of me."The redhead made to hug him, but Fey raised his hands to stop him."I'm sorry... Who are you?"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> in which fey is hit by a car and ends up with amnesia

"Hey, Grimm? D'you know where Ryan is?"

Grimm hummed, shutting his locker and shaking his head. "Why?" he asked, looking around the corridor to see if he could spot Ryan. He wasn't there, though. Which should have been obvious, Grimm realised.

"He wasn't in any lessons," Alfie said, pouting and huffing softly. He looked a little disappointed, and it made Grimm smile. He reached down and ruffled Alfie's hair fondly.

"Why don't you ask Rodney? Maybe he'll know why," Grimm suggested, tilting his head to the side. Alfie's expression brightened and he nodded happily, smiling at Grimm as he shut his locker.

"Thanks, Grimm," he said, pulling his backpack over his shoulder. Grimm nodded and smiled, watching the other. "Love you!" With that said, Alfie turned and made his way out of school.

"Yeah, love you too!" Grimm called back, turning and making his way to class.

Alfie sighed, a soft, determined expression on his features as he looked for Rodney. It was easy, though, and he found him sat on his usual bench, a half-empty Starbucks cup beside him and a cigarette in his hand.

"Hey, Rodney," Alfie greeted, which made Rodney look up at him. He responded with a hum, and Alfie sat down beside him, smiling. He took out a pack of stickers, and peeled one off, pressing it onto the back of Rodney's hand with a smile.

"This is it now? You pay me in stickers?" Rodney asked, raising an eyebrow and looking at the small, sparkly piece of plastic. Alfie snorted and shook his head, putting the stickers back in his backpack and turned to look at Rodney.

"D'you know where Ryan is?" he asked, smiling expectantly. Rodney hummed, narrowing his eyes like he was trying to recognise someone from far away. It made Alfie snort again, and this time, Rodney narrowed his eyes at him.

"The bald one?" he asked, which made Alfie nod. "The one who's dating Fey?" Alfie nodded again. Rodney hummed, frowning a little. "He's at the hospital with Gale. Fey got hit by a car last night, passed out this morning."

Alfie's eyes widened and his stomach dropped. "Hit by a car?!" he exclaimed, leaning forward and pouting. "Is he okay?" Rodney shrugged, rubbing his eyes and sighing. The whole thing had been horribly stressful, being called by a panicked Gale at two am, practically yelling at him over the phone.

"I guess so," he said, shrugging a little. He didn't really know if Fey was okay. He hoped he was. Otherwise Gale would spend the rest of forever blaming himself, and he didn't want to live with that. "He passed out a couple hours after they got to the hospital."

Alfie pouted, the small frown on his lips making him look incredibly concerned. "So Ryan isn't gonna come to school?" he asked with a small huff. Rodney shrugged, picking up his Starbucks cup and sipping from it.

"He probably will. Just not today."

*

Fey awoke to the sound of sniffles and to the feeling of a cast on his arm and a heart rate monitor on his finger. There was a bald guy beside his bed. And a guy with red hair. They both looked like they'd been crying. In fact, the bald guy was still crying.

"Fey?" the guy with the heart-shaped sunglasses said, and the blond's attention was drawn back to him. He frowned and tilted his head to the side. "Mate, fuck, you scared the shit out of me."

The redhead made to hug him, but Fey raised his hands to stop him. "I'm sorry... Who are you?" The redhead's eyes widened and he pulled back, almost like Fey had slapped him.

The bald guy looked up, his blue eyes wide and filled with tears. "Fey?" he asked softly. He covered his mouth with his hand and sobbed softly. He leaned forward and hugged Fey, which made the blond freeze up. What was he doing here? In hospital? Who were these people..?

The bald guy pulled back and he hiccuped softly, keeping his arms around Fey's neck. His eyes were red-rimmed and he looked like he'd been crying for hours. Fey pulled back and frowned, shaking his head. "I'm sorry," he said again, pulling away from the guy's hands. "I don't know who you are."

The guy's eyes widened, and he pulled back. His blue eyes filled with tears and he let out a choked sob, covering his mouth. "Ryan," the redhead said, pulling the other into a hug. "Mate, don't worry, it's... It's fine."

The bald guy (Ryan, Fey supposed) only cried more, his shoulders shaking as he shook his head. "It's not f-fine," he stuttered, and his voice was full of pain. Like he'd just watched his lover be murdered.

Fey's eyes filled with tears as he watched. He sure hoped that none of this was his fault.

~

"Amnesia?"

Gale's eyes widened. How could Fey have amnesia? He couldn't, that's how. His stomach sunk and he felt himself blink away tears quickly. Why would this happen to Fey? It was the last thing Fey deserved. It was the last thing Ryan deserved.

Ryan had gone home after that. He was exhausted, having stayed awake all night and then crying for hours and hours. He needed to rest, even if he didn't want to. So Gale had stayed, and listened to the doctors explain something that /had/ to be wrong. It had to be wrong. Fey couldn't forget him...

His eyes filled with tears again, and this time, he angrily wiped them away with the heel of his hand. The doctor nodded and sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose before looking back to Gale. "Yes. The part of his brain that keeps memories regarding people was damaged."

Gale felt guilt spread over his chest. If only he could've done something to stop Fey from crossing like that. He'd been right there with the blond when he'd giggled and turned to run across the road. And he hadn't been able to stop him or protect him when he'd run right into the path of a van.

"So... Will he remember us?" he asked, his voice dull. Like he had no hope for a positive answer whatsoever. There was a long moment of silence, and the doctor nodded, tapping his pen against a folder in his hand.

"Possibly. With lots of therapy, and help from you, and the rest of his friends," he said. Gale felt some kind of hope melt away the horrible, sick feeling of guilt in his chest. "But... Keep it in mind, that this is his chance to get to know you again."

Gale's face must have betrayed his confusion, because the doctor smiled a little before he continued. "It's a chance to start over. We have no way of knowing if this is selective amnesia or not. There is a chance, his brain purposely is blocking out this information," he said, which made Gale want to throw up.

Why would Fey possibly want to forget them? The doctor nodded and looked a little concerned. "This is a chance to start over. It may be much easier than for him to remember everything again."

Gale shook his head. He'd known Fey since forever. He couldn't bear the thought of all of that being forgotten.


	2. Chapter 2

"What? You can't break up with Fey!"

Ryan sighed, rubbing his eyes. "But it's not... It's not /Fey/, is it? He doesn't remember any of us," he insisted, sounding half-asleep. Alfie pouted, leaning more into Felix. "It wouldn't upset him."

"But it would upset you!" Alfie protested, huffing as he turned to Felix, looking for some kind of support. Felix shrugged, kissing the top of Alfie's head. Alfie whined at not receiving a proper answer, before he looked back at Ryan. "When he finds out that you were his boyfriend, and that you broke up with him, then he'll be upset!"

"Who's breakin' up with who?" Gwen asked, seating themselves between Ryan and Alfie. They raised an eyebrow and glanced at Alfie and Felix, who didn't look like they were breaking up anytime soon. Gwen narrowed their eyes a little and turned to Ryan.

Ryan sighed loudly and rubbed the top of his head. "I haven't decided to break up with anyone yet," he said firmly, his voice leaving little room for argument. "But I've thought of it. And mentioned it." Gwen frowned, opening the pack of crisps they'd brought with them.

"Why, though?" they asked, glancing at the TV and then looking back at Ryan, who looked a little upset. "I mean... Fey hasn't done anything wrong, has he?" Ryan shook his head and rubbed his eyes. Of course Fey hadn't done anything wrong. But now it was like Fey hadn't done /anything/.

He didn't want for Fey to forget everything. He didn't want to start all over again. He shut his eyes, trying to hide how badly he wanted to cry. Gwen frowned, guilt pooling in their stomach. Maybe they shouldn't have asked. "You okay..?"

Ryan nodded and sighed loudly, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "I don't want to break up with him," he said, and his voice was shaking. "I love him. There's nothing in the world that would make me want to break up with him."

Gwen's expression pulled into one of pain and concern. They put an arm around Ryan, and pulled him into a soft hug. "Don't worry," they said, which seemed to make Ryan even more upset, because he made a noise fairly similar to a whine as he hugged back.

"Of course I'm going to worry. It's /Fey/. I have to worry."

*

Fey hummed softly, looking at the photograph with a small, concentrated frown. He was wearing dangly golden earrings that Gale had brought for him, and pretty golden bangles too. They matched the earrings, and Fey had obviously been excited when he'd seen them.

"I don't recognise any of these people," he said finally, pouting and looking to Gale, who frowned and sighed softly. Fey murmured a quiet 'I'm sorry', to which Gale shook his head, running a hand through his hair.

"It's fine," he said, shrugging. He couldn't keep the disappointment out of his voice, though, and Fey flinched. "What about you? Can you see yourself?" Fey nodded and grinned happily, as though he was finally going to succeed in something he'd been working on for years.

"That's me!" he exclaimed, pointing at his smiling face, which was between Ryan and Gale's own happy faces. It was a photo of at least ten people, but Fey didn't know any of them. Of course, he knew Gale, who had introduced himself an hour ago when he arrived, and he knew Ryan, who had been here yesterday afternoon when he'd woken up.

It still felt like an accomplishment, though, even though it was only two people. "Who's everyone else?" he asked, and Gale gave him he photo so he could hold it himself. "I know me... You, and Ryan." Gale nodded and shifted a little, so that they were sat with their shoulders pressed together.

"That's Rodney," he said, pointing to a guy with dark circles under his eyes. In Fey's opinion, he looked too grumpy. He was one of two people in the photo who wasn't smiling. "He's like... My second best friend."

Fey's expression brightened and he turned to grin at Gale. "Who's your /best/ best friend, then?" he asked excitedly, which made Gale snort. He pointed at Fey's face and smiled. Fey's eyes widened, and his expression brightened even more, which made him look like a small, excited kid.

"Me? Really?" he asked, smiling happily and taking the photo back from Gale, looking at the two of them with a small, soft smile. "That's so cool. I'm glad I have a good best friend." Gale smiled at this, nodding. He was glad he had Fey for a best friend too.

"Who's this?" Fey asked, pointing at a guy who's left eye was blank. Gale smiled, and shifted through some other photos until he found a better photo of the guy, and handed it to Fey, who looked at him with wide eyes and a small smile. "So..?" he asked, turning to Gale.

"He's Dimitri. He lives with us."

"We live together?" Fey asked, gasping softly. He grinned, looking at the photo, before looking back to Gale. "Is he nice? Am I a good housemate? I hope I am." He giggled softly and rubbed his top lip, looking through the photos.

Fey was paler than he had been before the accident, and he still had a heart rate monitor on his finger. One of his arms was in a cast, as well as one of his feet, and he had bandages wrapped around his middle, where there were dozens of tiny cuts from how he'd hit the road.

He was wearing a hospital gown, but he still looked shiny and fancy. Gale was sure that Fey could make anything look shiny and fancy. "Yeah, us three live together," he said. "But your boyfriend comes over a lot. And other people." Fey's eyes widened and he nodded, even though he looked fairly confused.

There were a few moments of silence before Fey asked. "Who's my boyfriend?" Gale shifted a little, clearly uncomfortable to have to tell him. But Fey was now nudging him and whining, leaning against him as he asked over and over again who it was.

"Ryan's your boyfriend," Gale said, which clearly took Fey by surprise, because his soft smile turned to a look of surprise, his gold eyes widening a little. "He didn't come today because... He's really upset. About everything."

Fey was quiet for a while, looking at the photos (Gale noticed that he was now purposely looking for ones of Ryan). "Yeah..." he murmured. "I'd be upset too."


	3. Chapter 3

"Fey?" a nurse called from the doorway, smiling at the blond, who was completely absorbed by a group of photos in front of him. He looked up at the nurse, who was holding the door open with his foot. "You've got visitors."

Fey smiled brightly and put the photos aside, crossing his legs and waiting expectantly for whoever was here to visit him. The nurse stepped back, and the door opened to reveal Gale, along with a few other people.

His features lit up with a grin, and he clapped his hands together, which made his bangles clang together and fill the small room with soft, metallic sounds. This was accompanied by a soft squeal from him, and a snort from Gale.

"You're Dimitri!" he exclaimed happily, pointing to the guy with a blank eye. Dimitri nodded and sat at the foot of the bed, smiling at Fey. He nudged his leg playfully, and snorted.

"You really fucked up this time, didn't you?" he said, tilting his head to the side. Fey nodded, smiling a little. He lived with this guy? He seemed nice. Fey was glad that he lived with Gale and Dimitri. They both seemed like nice people. "Take better care of yourself, yeah?"

Fey turned when he saw a small, blue-haired boy sit down beside him. "And you're Alfie?" he asked, tilting his head to the side. He wasn't sure of whether or not this boy was Alfie. He thought he was.

The boy nodded and grinned happily. "Yup!" he said. "Are you okay? What happened? Can I sign your cast?" Fey smiled at all the questions. Alfie was so sweet. He was so lively and happy, it made Fey feel happy too.

"I was hit by a van," he said, and nodded, holding out his right arm with the cast on it. "Of course you can, darling." Alfie grinned happily and produced a few bright pens and a pack of stickers from a small backpack in his lap.

Whilst Alfie began to draw on the cast, Fey turned his attention to the man sitting beside Gale with a half-empty coffee cup and a completely blank expression. "Are you... I don't remember your name," he said, smiling at the man.

Gale smiled and nudged Rodney with his elbow. Rodney hummed in response, looking up at Fey. "I'm Rodney," he said. "Remember that, because I'm not telling you again." Fey narrowed his eyes, smiling a little as he nodded.

The room was filled with light chatter as Gale spoke to Rodney, and Dimitri spoke to him, and Alfie asked him questions every now and then. Fey looked up after about ten minutes, frowning. His expression was pulled into one of disappointment and slight sadness.

"Where's Ryan?" he asked, sounding a little upset. Alfie looked up at him his eyes widening and then he ducked his head down again, looking a little flustered. Gale frowned, and Dimitri offered a half-hearted shrug. But no one answered his question. "He didn't want to come..?"

"Not that he didn't want to," Alfie murmured, sounding a little embarrassed. Fey frowned, and looked down at his lap. He looked a little hurt. His eyebrows pulled together, and his entire face seemed to become sadder. "He had to study for an exam. He'll come next time."

Fey nodded, sighing quietly. He pulled a small smile onto his face and waved a hand dismissively. His bangles clanged together, once again filling the room with the soft, metallic sounds. "It's fine," he said, forcing his voice to sound nonchalant. "He can come next time, I don't mind."

Alfie looked relieved, grinning as he went back to drawing his name onto Fey's cast. Gale and Rodney resumed their half-hearted argument and Dimitri continued to tell Fey things about what a terrible flatmate he was. "You always sing in the mornings," Dimitri said. "And all that goddamn jewelry you wear makes so much noise."

Fey giggled softly and nodded, grinning. He was having a good time. He really was. But he still couldn't take his mind off of Ryan.

*

"Gale?"

It was just past three am. Gale would have been asleep if it weren't for the clearly upset blond who was nudging him awake. His bangles jingled and clanged together even now, and the sound was starting to be a little irritating at this hour. Fey nudged him again and Gale groaned, sitting up.

"I'm awake, I'm awake," he mumbled. The hospital bed wasn't really big enough for the both of them, but they still fit, although it was a little uncomfortable. Gale's sleepover in Fey's hospital room was still fairly pleasant. Gale rubbed his eyes, sighing as he tried to feel at least a little more awake.

"What's wrong?" he asked, turning to look at Fey. The blond's bottom lip was shaking, and his hands were too. He shifted his gaze to his lap, his gold eyes watery and shining. "You okay, mate?"

Fey took a deep breath, and then shakily exhaled, looking up at the ceiling. In the pale moonlight coming in through a fairly large window, the scar on Fey's ear was much more obvious. It hadn't healed yet, either, so it looked strange in this light. His ear had been torn in the accident, thanks to his piercings.

"I just... I just want to understand, and... And remember things," he said, his voice breaking as he struggled to stop himself from crying. Gale sat up properly and put his hands over Fey's knees carefully, not saying anything yet. "But I can't... It doesn't feel like I'm.. Like I'm worth anything like this."

He looked back at Gale, and the tears that had been gathering in his eyes spilled over his cheeks. He bit his bottom lip to stop it from shaking, but his small sobs and sniffles continued all the same. Gale shook his head, and pulled Fey into a tight hug.

Fey made himself smaller, curling into himself as he let Gale hug him. "I-I mean... I'm l-learning everything again.. But I'm not remembering anything," he forced himself to say through his quiet sobs and wails. "It's... It's like l-learning about s-someone else's life. It doesn't feel right, Gale..."

Gale shut his eyes. He didn't want to hear this. He knew that Fey was never going to learn about his life the way he would if he just remembered it. But he didn't want to admit that they'd lost all of that. It'd hurt to think that everything he'd ever done with Fey was now completely one-sided.

"And, and... I kn-know that everyone wants me t-to remember.. But it's been a week, and I... It's not working," he said. His voice in that moment sounded sadder than anything Gale had ever heard before. "I d-don't have any... There's no /reason/ f-for ms to be alive, Gale."

Gale shook his head and hugged Fey tight, giving him a small squeeze. "Don't say that, Fey," he said, his voice quiet and still rough from sleep. Fey's shoulders shook as he held onto Gale, crying into his shoulder. "You have so many reasons to be alive. You'll remember everything, I know you will. I believe in you."

Fey let out a sad wail. He didn't believe in himself, though. He couldn't do this. Everyday for more than a week now, Gale had been coming and showing him photos and telling him stories. He'd been going to therapy every day, talking about dozens of different things with his therapist, looking for something that would trigger his memories. There was nothing. Nothing was helping him.

"It's not going to work, Gale," he wailed, shaking his head. He gripped onto the back of Gale's shirt tightly, his knuckles going white. His tears had soaked through the redhead's shirt by now. "N-Not even Ryan wants to see me."

Gale shook his head, and held Fey closer. He felt like if he let go of him, the blond might disappear completely. "It is going to work," he insisted. Fey shook his head, and Gale rubbed his back. He'd lost weight, Gale realised. "We believe in you. Everyone believes in you."

Fey shook his head. Not everyone believed in him.

"I don't believe in me."


	4. Chapter 4

Alfie hadn't really been lying when he'd said to Fey that Ryan needed to study. He really did need to study. Which was why him, Ryan, Gwen and Felix were sat in Grimm's living room, trying to get some work done. Studying was easier done together, right?

"When are you going to see Fey?" Alfie asked, looking at Ryan. The taller of the two was caught off guard by this, and he visibly flinched. Alfie pouted when he saw him flinch, and looked away from him. He felt a little guilty now.

"I... I don't know," Ryan mumbled, looking up from his textbook. "Isn't he getting out of hospital in a couple days anyway? He can come visit when he gets out of hospital." Gwen looked up and grimaced in disbelief, shaking their head. 

"I can't believe you still haven't gone to see him," they mumbled, looking up and testing their head on their hands. "I can't believe you expect him to come visit you, instead of you just going to see him." Ryan's cheeks flushed a little and he sighed quietly.

"None of you are being very understanding," he muttered, looking back at his textbook. He sighed and rubbed the back of his head. He was quiet, shutting his textbook and covering his face with his hands. Gwen and Alfie frowned as they watched him, feeling a little on edge. Felix looked up, raising an eyebrow.

"Don't you think you should be more understanding, though?" Felix asked. "He's your boyfriend, after all." Ryan glared at him between his fingers, huffing and getting up. He was trying to be understanding. He was trying his hardest to be understanding. It was frustrating that nobody could tell how hard he was trying.

"I'm going home," he said firmly, putting his textbook in his bag and zipping it up. Alfie pouted and grabbed the hem of Ryan's shirt, tugging softly. He hadn't meant for the conversation to make Ryan that uncomfortable. He hadn't meant for the conversation to make Ryan uncomfortable at all.

"No," he whimpered softly. "Please stay." Felix huffed a little as he watched Ryan ruffle Alfie's hair and shake his head. Gwen frowned, feeling slightly guilty. All of them felt slightly guilty.

"I'll see you guys on Monday," Ryan said with a small shrug as he turned to leave, waving as he shut the door behind him.

As soon as he was out of Grimm's apartment, a heavy weight seemed to lift itself off of his shoulders. He sighed, and rubbed the space between his eyes, frowning a little. All of this was starting to be a little too much for him. He didn't know how to cope with all of it.

He was about to put on his headphones when his phone rang, and Fey's contact popped up on his phone screen. Beside Fey's name was a sparkly heart emoji, and made Ryan instantly feel guilty. As much as he thought about it, he could never break up with Fey.

"Hey?" he said quietly after answering the call, waiting for Fey's upbeat response. Instead, there were a few seconds of seemingly distressed and confused chatter, before Fey did actually answer.

"Hello, darling!" he greeted happily and sweetly. His voice was so familiar, and get so different, it made Ryan's throat tighten a little. He sighed, and hoped that Fey wouldn't be able to hear that. He shut his eyes for a moment, pausing before he continued walking.

"How're you feeling?" he asked softly, his voice much gentler and curious than he'd intended. On the other end, he heard Fey humming as he thought of an answer. It occurred to Ryan that Fey sounded the same over the phone as he did in real life.

"Better," Fey replied, and Ryan could hear the smile in his voice. God, how he missed Fey's smile. "I just finished up with therapy... I was thinking that maybe you could come over? I know hospital coffee isn't that good, but maybe we could get coffee?"

Ryan's eyes widened. He hadn't been expecting that. He hadn't been expecting this. He hadn't expected to have to see Fey so soon. He nodded nervously, and then realised that Fey couldn't see him. "I... Uh, yes," he said, stumbling over his words. "Yes. Yeah, sure."

Fey giggled on the other end of the phone. "Okay!" he chimed happily. "I'll see you soon, sweetheart!"

*

Fey was waiting for Ryan in his room, wearing a pretty sweater and leggings. He had earrings in his undamaged ear, and bangles on both wrists. He was excited. He had asked Gale to buy him mascara, but Gale hadn't gotten him any yet. It was a little disappointing, but he guessed that it didn't make that big of a difference.

When a nurse opened his door, he clapped his hands together and stood up straight, grinning when he nurse told him he had a visitor. "It's my boyfriend!" he told the nurse happily, and the nurse nodded, and opened the door fully. Ryan stood there, looking a little out of place.

Fey grinned brightly, and Ryan's heart jumped into his throat. "Hello!" he said happily, standing up. Ryan stepped over and paused, as though he wasn't sure whether or not he really wanted to come in. And then he stepped forward and hugged Fey.

Fey smiled and hugged Ryan with his good arm, resting his head on his shoulder. "I missed you," Ryan said quietly. Fey nodded and smiled, sighing softly. He'd missed Ryan too. Even without remembering him, he'd spent nearly every day wishing that Ryan would turn up and visit him.

"I missed you too." This seemed to make Ryan very aware of the fact that he was with Fey, and that Fey was really okay, because he flinched, and choked out a soft whine. He hugged Fey closer and shut his eyes.

"Sorry for not visiting you sooner," he said, his voice shaking slightly. "I should've visited you sooner... I was scared. Because you don't remember us... I thought.. I thought you wouldn't love me anymore." He nuzzled his face against Fey's neck, and Fey sighed quietly.

He didn't remember Ryan. But he still loved him. He wasn't going to stop loving him. He had to remember him. He had to.

"I still love you. Always will."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this took so long to upload!!! And it's so shitty!!!! I've been really sick and I didn't want to spend too much time on things other than getting better,,,, the fic is finally going somewhere and I'll be working on it more from now on ^^

Fey's room was covered in photos. There were Polaroids and print outs and photos and notes, Sharpie doodles for each new person he found out about. As soon as he'd gotten home, he'd been overwhelmed with the amount of jewelry, and had covered his arms and ankles and neck in as much of it as he could.

He bought mascara and lip gloss, and took Gale and Dimitri out with him on shopping trips. He went out with Ryan to see movies, and get milkshakes. He liked his friends, and his boyfriend. They told him as many stories as they could, showed him as many photos as they could. It gave him more hope.

But the one thing he couldn't stand, was how fragile they made him feel. They spoke to him and treated him like he was a porcelain doll, and if he were held too tight or let go of for too long, he would fall apart. He understood why they did that. But the feeling of being so looked after made him feel like he couldn't look after himself. 

And Fey didn't like that. Maybe he didn't know anything about himself yet. Maybe he was living somebody else's life, with somebody else's friends and somebody else's photographs and jewelry and bedroom. But that didn't mean he couldn't look after himself. He could. He wished everyone else would understand that.

He leaned against the head of his bed, his head resting on the wall. Ryan was sat in front of him, watching him with those wide blue eyes, which always seemed to be looking after him. He sighed and shut his eyes. Ryan didn't say anything. He set his hands on Fey's knees as gently as he could, and squeezed.

"What was I like..?" he asked, opening his eyes and raising a hand to run through his hair. His bangles made the same metallic tune as always. Ryan tilted his head to the side and frowned. He didn't understand the question, clearly. Fey chewed on his bottom lip. "What was Fey like? Before the accident..?"

Ryan's eyes widened, and he flinched like Fey had slapped him. "Oh," he says, and the sound comes out rather weak. Fey frowns. Ryan's eyes fill with tears and he shakes his head. "I don't know. You were the best guy in the whole world. You still are. You were... I don't know. Amazing."

Fey listened, and nodded. He shifted forward and put his hands on Ryan's waist. Ryan sniffled, and smiled a little. He leaned forward, letting his head drop against Fey's shoulder. Fey pulled him closer, an affectionate kind of warmth spreading through his chest.

"Am I amazing now?" he asked, his voice full of fear and worry.

"No. Yes. I mean," Ryan stuttered through the words, his heart tearing in two. "You are! Just.. Not the same way as before." Fey nodded, and sighed. This time, it felt like his own heart was tearing in two. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," he whispered, shutting his eyes for a moment. He didn't want to see the life he was living right now. "What did we do on our first date?" Ryan flinched a little at this question, and Fey wondered if he'd always been so bad at this. 

"We didn't have a proper first date," he mumbled, wrapping his arms around Fey's waist and hugging him. "We got together and slept with eachother. It just happened." Fey raised an eyebrow, smirking a little. He opened his eyes and sighed.

"Sounds fun," he mumbled, which made Ryan laugh quietly. He nodded and hugged Fey tighter, nuzzling his face against the other's neck. There were a few moments of thick silence before Fey spoke again. "I was... Reading about memory loss. Apparently, there needs to be a trigger. Something that'll trigger the memories. I just... I don't know /what/."

Ryan listened, and every now and then, he shifted, as though hearing this physically pained him. He whined softly and pulled back from the hug, staring at his face. A fond smile played on his lips, and with gentle hands, he cupped Fey's cheeks.

He looked at his eyes, which were like the sunrise and gold and daffodils and beautiful things, and his heart jumped up into his throat. Even if Fey never got his memories back, Ryan would never leave his side. "Okay," he said quietly. "You'll find it, I know you will."

Fey leaned into his touch, and nodded a little, sighing.

*

"Fey, come on.."

Dimitri stared at Fey, who was curled up in the corner of the kitchen. His knees were pulled up to his chest and his hands were shaking. Trails of dry tears stained his cheeks, and his mouth was pulled into a grimace.

"No."

Dimitri sighed, sounding rather exasperated, before biting his lip. He didn't know what to do. What was anyone supposed to do in a situation like this? "Fey, please." The blond was shaking all over, and he looked like any small sound might make him burst into tears. "Come on.."

"Leave me /alone/," Fey muttered, and he curled into himself even tighter, his thumb pressed against his bleeding lip. Dimitri's heart sunk, his stomach twisting into knots that were impossible to untie. Gale would know what to do. Why did Gale have to go out in the middle of the night?

"Im going to call Gale," he said firmly, glancing at Fey to make sure he wasn't doing anything stupid. "I... Don't do.. Anything. While I'm gone." Fey grimaced and a fresh set of tears began to roll down his cheeks, which made a horrible flood of guilt rise in Dimitri's throat.

He ran and grabbed his phone, dialling Gale's number as quickly as he could when his fingers were shaking so much. Gale didn't pick up, and Dimitri's frustration only worsened. He dialled again, and this time, Gale picked up on the fourth ring. "Mate, what's wrong?" he said. Dimitri could practically hear his broken nose.

"It's Fey," he said, and he heard something smash, and then Gale swear loudly. He could imagine Gale having dropped a bag of whatever it was that he'd managed to get a hold of. "You need to come home. Now."

"I'm not close to home, though," Gale muttered, and he sounded more worried than Dimitri had heard him before. "What's wrong?" There was the sound of a car door slamming open and shut, and a car starting. Dimitri wanted to remind Gale to put on his seat belt, but Gale had already started to drive, clearly.

"He's just... I don't know what he wants, but he's been crying, and I don't know if he's hurt or-"

"What do you mean you don't /know/?!" Gale exclaimed. Dimitri started, biting his lip. "You don't know if he's hurt himself or not?" Dimitri shook his head, and there was the sound of Gale swearing, and breaks being slammed. Dimitri felt incredibly uncomfortable.

"Gale, don't drive too fast," he mumbled, frowning. "Look, I'm gonna hang up." Gale protested, but Dimitri was already hanging up on him. It was better for Gale to drive safe and get home soon than for him to have a car crash on his hands, along with a crying Fey.

Fey was back in the kitchen, curled up and crying. He could remember something. He could remember the truck. He could remember /Gale/. He could remember Gale's face and wide eyes and worried expression as he was hit by the truck. That was all he could remember.

And now it was like a horribly impossible tape rewinding in his head and playing over and over. Cold glass shattering against the side of his face and metal slamming into his chest. He could hardly breathe.

He finally had a memory. And he wished it would just get out of his head.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im too scared to write smut :')

"Okay. Let's go over the memory again."

Fey crossed his arms, pulling his loose sweater tighter around him. He pouted, looking rather moody. He'd recounted the memory three times, and was so frustrated by now that he thought he might burst into tears. 

The therapist sighed and held out a bowl of Jolly Ranchers to Fey, and the blond took a handful of them, just like he'd already done four times before. He unwrapped one, put it in his mouth before shoving the rest into his pocket. The therapist sighed and set the bowl aside again. 

"Now? The memory?"

Fey nodded, sighing quietly through his nose. "I look at Gale. He said something funny. I don't remember what," he mumbled quietly, watching skeptically as the therapist scribbled things down in her notebook. "I'm walking backwards, into the road. I'm going to say something to Gale-"

"Do you know what you were going to say to him?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. 

Fey waved a hand dismissively, his bangles making sufficient noise for the therapist to know that his answer was 'no'. "I hear something loud - I think it's the van, beeping at me. Gale looks scared," he paused as he said this, taking a few moments to suck on the sweet in his mouth.

"I turn and I see the van," he said. "Then it hits me. I hear Gale say something-"

"Do you know what he-"

"No, I don't," Fey interrupted, sounding rather whiney. "I hear him say something and then I don't remember anything anymore." He didn't feel bad for interrupting the therapist. She'd interrupted him in the first place, with questions he obviously couldn't answer. 

She nodded and took down a few more notes, sighing before checking the clock that was on the wall, ticking quietly, but just loud enough to make Fey uncomfortable. She smiled and looked at the blond. "So, our time's up for today, but I'll see you in a few weeks, if I'm not mistaken?" she asked, holding her hand out for a handshake which Fey accepted with a half-hearted smile. 

"Yep," he said. "In three weeks." He exchanged goodbyes with her, before getting up and leaving, meeting Ryan in the corridor. He reached out and set his hand down on the other male's fuzzy head, smiling sweetly. 

"Hello, darling," he said, taking both of Ryan's hands as the other got up. Ryan leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to his lips, which Fey returned with equal care and gentleness. 

"You're all done for this month?" Ryan asked, giving Fey's hand a squeeze as they began to make their way out of the clinic. Fey nodded and offered his boyfriend a small smile, happy to be out of the suffocating office. 

He pulled his hand out of his pocket, producing a handful of colourful Jolly Ranchers and offering them to the other. Ryan snorted, a rare grin appearing on his face. Fey's heart seemed to leap, and he could feel how darkly his face was flushing. Ryan leaned up to place a quick kiss to his cheekbone, on the small beauty spot adorning his skin. 

"You do that every time we come here," he murmured, taking one of the sweets and unwrapping it before putting it in his mouth, watching Fey shove the rest back in his pocket. The blond watched him, his gaze flitting over his features and lingering on his eyes, wondering if he could ever retrieve some kind of memory of the other. 

"So what do you want to do?" he asked after a few moments, giving Ryan's hand a squeeze. "Shall we go and get coffee? Or something else?" Ryan hummed softly, looking around before they crossed the road, glancing momentarily at Fey. 

"I rented a movie last night, so I was thinking we could watch that?" he suggested, giving Fey's hand another fond squeeze as they stopped to wait for the bus. Fey nodded, kissing the top of Ryan's head sweetly. 

*

They didn't watch the movie. They did start watching it, but it was only five minutes in when Fey began to pester Ryan with kisses. At first they were short, soft, sweet kisses. But the more that Ryan tried to retaliate with stronger kisses, the longer and more passionate they got. 

That hadn't been Fey's intention, but he wasn't bothered by it, either. 

They ended up in Fey's bedroom, just a little while before Gale got home. It was late now, and Fey was sleeping peacefully, his face pressed against Ryan's chest, his breaths soft and peaceful. His expression looked more relaxed than it had since the accident, Ryan mused, his fingers absently carding through Fey's blond locks. 

He also felt more at peace than he had since Fey's accident. He was here, with his boyfriend, sharing the same closeness and intimacy that they'd had before. It was okay that sometimes Fey didn't understand certain things, or that he didn't know how they'd met, despite Ryan having tried his best to explain it countless times. 

The blue-eyed male sighed, pulling Fey closer to him. He was grateful that his friends had convinced him to stay with Fey. After all, what would he do without the cheerful, fancy blond's presence all the time? It would always feel like he was missing something. 

He looked down at him, blue eyes curious as he traced his fingertips over Fey's scarred ear. He'd already been to get it pierced again, and he had pretty, glistening gold earrings on both ears. He looked just like before the accident. The scar was the only different thing about Fey. The only visible thing, at least. 


End file.
